For the Sake of Science?

Facebook is a passive feed mechanism. It doesn’t matter what your friends are talking about – it will show up in your feed…including if I write angst filled status updates. In this manner, Facebook can be a bit intrusive, bringing information that we don’t particularly want to see, or at least not in the quantity or for the length it is being shared. I usually figure folks can handle the occasional post about OCD, Depression, or so on – and that it is good for me and for us to be honest about the reality of struggles in our lives…but, this “episode” has been going on for a decent block of time, its intensity is severe, and I have no reason to expect it to end soon…so, in order to not be (unintentionally) aggressive in pushing my emotional state onto others, I’ve decided to stop posting about this “episode” on Facebook¹Not promising I won’t talk about it at all, but I’m going to try and restrain myself..

Instead I’m going to post more frequently to OCD Dave chronicling the ongoing experience. I am doing this for several reasons besides that mentioned above:

1. It is hard for me to remember what it is like to be in the midst of an episode when I’m not in an episode. It is hard for me to identify with others who are experiencing an episode when I am not in an episode. By recording the episode as it occurs, I think I can provide a better portrait than can be portrayed by retrospective analysis. In the long-run I’ll know there is hope and I’ll be able to look back at this bad time, but right now – in the midst of it – that knowledge doesn’t bring the comfort it will later…
2. Additionally, while I have shared a decent bit on Facebook there has also been quite a bit I haven’t shared, precisely b/c I did not want to overwhelm. By posting to OCD Dave I know only those who are actively interested in this content will read it – and I can express myself more freely.
3. Finally, I think there is a need for more documentation on the experience of depression by those who are in the midst of it. I’ve been reading William Styron’s small volume Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness and while it is proving a worthwhile read, I can’t help but feel that it would be much more powerful if it was written during rather than after the events transpired.²I understand that for Styron this may have been impossible. Oftentimes depression can reach such depths that the act of writing itself may be overwhelming. It is not yet for me, so for as long as it is not…I will write.

With all that said, I’d like to offer a word of caution as well. I’m going to be freer in expressing myself via this blog than I have been heretofore. As such, I’d recommend that this blog be read by mature audiences or by those who are currently experiencing depression, but it probably won’t be helpful to younger eyes, or even to some older eyes who are not experiencing this or have not had experience with this.

What exactly am I going to say that will be so mature? Well, I doubt it has much to do with what I will say…It has more to do with what I will show. Specifically, there are certain classical works of art which I find representative of my emotional state, and I’d like to post some of them – but they are grotesque and disturbing…

Finally, I won’t even be posting the notice that I’ve written a blog post here on my personal facebook account – so how can you (if you are so inclined) ensure you actually get to read what I post? You can join the Facebook group OCD Dave and I’ll post a link to the articles there as I write them; or you can submit your email address into the little email subscription box on the right-hand side of this post and you’ll automatically receive an email each time I write a new post; or if you are a bit of a techie and use RSS – RSS is always available as well.