7/13 – 4 pm Report

My morning went fine but around 12 pm something upset me. Usually when this occurs I feel very sleepy – and this occasion was no exception, so I laid down and slept for an hour. When I awoke I was still down, so I attempted to “weather the storm” and watched two hours of Netflix. When I had done this I was still feeling down but did not want to spend any more time watching anything, so I got up and decided to use the Fisher Wallace CES again. The instructions indicated not to use it at intervals closer than 6 hours, but around 9 had passed – so I figured I was good.

While I used the device I walked around and read from Dale and Juanita Ryan’s Rooted in God’s Love and Malcolm Boyd and J. Jon Bruno’s In Times Like These: How We Pray. When all was said and done I still feel pretty down, but am now walking and reading still.

7/14 – 12 am Report

I received devastating news. I am heartbroken. Life feels absolutely impossible. I take a clonazepam, as I know there is no way I will be able to sleep and then use the CES. Forget running it at Level 2, I ran it at Level 4. No pain, but I could feel a visual disturbance. A pulsing at the edges of my vision, and everything shakes a little. Almost as if there are some tremors from an earthquake or one is out-of-breath and seeing stars – that sort of thing.

But the visual disturbance isn’t too bad and the pain is insufferable [not from the device; psychologically], so I’ll stick with it.

7/14 – 8 am Report

I’m awake and still devastated. I crank up the CES to Level 4 and run it again. The same visual disturbances – but perhaps slightly less pronounced. I slept fine last night, but this is probably due to the clonazepam. My mood has hit an all-time low, but this is due to the situation and not due to the CES. I am in hell.