7/14 – 2 PM Report

Still devastated, I do not expect the CES to relieve this suffering, but I’ll keep using it. Maybe it will help somehow – even if it is just that eventually, when this situational pain diminishes it will be effective and diminishing the underlying, continual pain.

I’m running CES at Level 4 every time now. It causes no pain and the light at the edge of my vision seems to have dissipated, but everything shakes a little.

7/15 – 12 AM Report

Desperately holding on with the knowledge that nothing will relieve the pain I’m feeling. I run CES at Level 4 again, everything shakes as usual, then I go to sleep. I don’t take any clonazepam – that is a mistake. I awake multiple times throughout the night.

7/15 – 8:30 AM Report

SleepBot indicates I got around 5 hours of sleep last night – broken into two chunks. It wasn’t very restful sleep. I’m running the CES again at Level 4 currently. The monitor shakes a little as I write this – but I know it isn’t really shaking – it is the electrical impulses. It is kind of cool, what I see I know is not reality. My monitor is actually sitting perfectly still.

I’ve begun invoking whatever emotional coping mechanisms I have to deal – I was trying to stay open – but I can’t. I’m hoping with this emotional shutdown I can be somewhat productive…but I’m not sure I can clamp the lid down tight or securely enough, it may just pop open again at any moment…Here goes Day 1 of trying…