[I’m running several days behind…The wedding was very busy, and things have been very  busy at Kingdom Bound as well…I managed to tether my phone’s internet to the laptop, but it is SLOOOOWWWW, so everything takes longer. Today I wasn’t feeling well, so I’ve stayed back from KB, but am feeling better and looking forward to see TFK, For King and Country, and Newsboys tonight]

August 3rd Report

I was in New York, staying at my mom’s house for the wedding. Mary generously allowed Charity and I to commandeer her bedroom during our stay.

Upon waking up the house was already a bustle of activity – bridesmaids were everywhere, Martha was having her hair done up, mom was busy with untold chores, Charity was off to help with the setup at the barn…so, I set myself about reviewing the service and putting together my thoughts for the homily. This would last for the next five hours – with brief interruptions to help with this or that task.

Then it was off to the wedding – which was an hour away – and up, always up. My gas gauge was creeping ever lower – but I made it to the wedding w/out running out of gas.

I stood under the arbor awaiting the beginning of the wedding. Things started fairly quickly. I did my part – which was simple, since Martha and Tyler had chosen to largely use a service from the Episcopalian Common Book of Prayer.

Still, I was nervous. I delivered my short homily – starting and ending with a good-humored jab at Tyler about serving on Martha hand and foot.

The wedding itself was beautiful. One couldn’t have asked for a better day – the sky was clear with wispy clouds here and there. The landscape was fantastic, there were some sheep bleating in the background, the temperature was comfortable – it was amazing – perhaps the most beautiful wedding I have ever participated in (and I’m not talking about my part).

Afterwards I received a fair number of compliments – and no criticisms – of the service and homily…so I take it that things went decently – though one always must take feedback with a grain of salt. The “proper” thing to do is to “thank” the pastor for running the service and telling him that he did a good job – and many will do so even if the pastor did a downright horrific job.

Then it was time for pictures and after pictures up to the barn – which also looked magnificent. First there was lots of munchies and drinks – later there would be a delicious supper.

It was great to see so much of my family again. All of my immediate family (parents, brother and sisters) were present along with their spouses (Devon and Kiki) and children (Troy, Oliva, Clyde). Then there was all the family from my mom’s side – Uncle James (with two of my younger nephews in tow), Uncle John (with Sean and Tate [nephews]), and Uncle Danny (with his wife, and a young nephew and niece)…and, of course, Danielle (niece, closest to my age) was present. It had been quite a while since I’d had the pleasure of seeing all of them. The little niece and nephews are growing so fast.

On my dad’s side my Grandma was up and my Uncle Jeffrey was down (from Canada), as well as my Aunt Lori. Throw in a few more aunts and an uncle and my dad’s family was present in full force.

Finally, there were a lot of old family friends present – Aunt Alice, Breanna (and her husband and daughter; Breanna was born two weeks after me, so we grew up together), Bethany (with her husband), Ant and Michelle Marcello (youth leaders when I was in high school), Pete O’Reilly (one of my best friends throughout high school, has been hiding on the West Coast for a number of years) and his family, and so on.

In spite of all the goodness, I wasn’t doing well. Several factors related to my “crisis” combined to make this an emotionally difficult event. (But, I wouldn’t have missed it for the world; loved seeing everyone; loved being part of the wedding; and so on…) In addition, I don’t do well in spaces with lots of people gathered together (I know, people have a hard time believing this since I am a pastor)…so I spent a good bit of my time outside in one of several chairs sitting against the barn. The air was cooler, I had plenty of space for my “personal bubble” and folks came and chatted individually or in small groups – which is much more my element.

During the Father/Daughter dance Martha added in some new elements, bringing me in to dance with her after she danced with her dad, and then Paul after me. It was awesome.

But finally, it was time for me to go. It was still a few hours before everyone else would leave, but I was reaching the limits of my always limited, but much-more-so these days capacity for social interaction. (In general, I can do events like these for the full time period, though it is stretching)

I drove back to my mom’s house – it was downhill the whole way. I did fill up on gas and did not run out before I could reach a station (I was worried about this). I didn’t listen to the radio – just drove.

I spent a few hours relaxing, used the CES device (hadn’t used it in the morning, too busy) and then went to bed. Unfortunately, I forgot my clonazepam at home, and my legs were definitely bothering me (little bunches of my muscles around my knees misfire; it feels like a rabbit’s heart is pulsing in my leg), so I’d be up most of the night, but that is another day…

Postscript

I like to use the CES two or three times daily, I do feel a difference if I don’t – but this could still be placebo. In this [results being placebo] case, I’d essentially be  attributing my symptoms as being “normal levels” if I had used the CES regularly, but if I hadn’t [used it regularly] I’d attribute these same symptoms at the same levels as being “due to not using the CES device.”

It is good for me to be busy. It keeps my mind off my ‘crisis.’ On the other hand, my ability to be busy has been reduced overall – so I more quickly become exhausted and incapacitated.

I hope there will be occasion to spend more time with family and friends again soon; preferably with a full capacity for doing so. I miss having these people in my life.