8/14 – 9 AM Report
I’m still stable, I have an appointment at 9:30 and don’t get a chance to use the CES amongst other busyness.
8/14 – 11:30 AM Report
The appointment throws me for a loop. I feel exhausted and unstable. It relates to my ongoing crisis – and the process of interacting throughout drains me of everything I am.
8/14 – 2 PM Report
I meet with Sarah at Panera Bread and Cassandra at the church office to coordinate church related tasks. Both meetings go well (imho) and I always love chicken noodle soup in a bread bowl. As soon as the meetings are over though, the earlier draining takes over and I succumb to sleep for an hour. This is a shorter than usual nap for me – it seems my naps have been shorter for a while now…though I’ll occasionally still take a ‘normal’ one (2.5 hours for me).
8/14 – 7 PM Report
I meet with Will at the church to discuss church related tasks and then take another nap – this one lasts around an hour as well. Then it is off with Will to a local storage facility to help unload a truck full of belongings for Peter, who just moved back into the area. It only takes an hour and I’m glad we are able to help.
8/14 – 10:15 PM Report
Once I’m home though, the emotional shaking I received in the am regains its strength. I spend the rest of the night reading, journaling, and writing on this site. I use the CES device. Around 10:15 pm I am exhausted – more emotionally than physically. I know if I go to bed now I’ll wake up in the middle of the night, so I take clonazepam and fall asleep.
Just an interesting note…After the two hour meeting that shook me up emotionally I experienced emotional instability throughout the rest of the day. Despite this I was able to maintain productivity generally – but my productivity focused on less intense tasks (e.g. reading) than I might otherwise have engaged. I also experienced the need to sleep several times throughout the day and also went to bed quite early.
In the morning I would awake fairly stable – though I took the day off – probably b/c if I had attempted to be productive, I would have become emotionally unstable.
Yet, even in my “day off” I am productive – just of the lesser sort. I take time to read, write, and so on – and this to me is to be “off.” To be “on” is to tackle the more difficult tasks – going shopping, making phone calls, writing emails, performing visitations, and so on.