Day 37 – Fisher Wallace CES Report

8/16 – 2:30 am Report

I awake around 12:30 and am unable to return to sleep until 2:30 am.

8/16 – 10:15 am Report

I’m up again at 8:15. I have an appointment with my psychologist at 9. It is good to see him – though usually I do most of the talking and at the end of fifty minutes it still feels like I haven’t been able to share everything that is going on – internally and externally.

In one sense, we aren’t making much progress. I’m someone who is drowning and he encourages me to keep on swimming. He doesn’t tire of the fact that I am swimming in the same lake over and over again each week – that the topics are oftentimes repetitive – an analysis from a different angle, and a different angle, and a different angle.

When the session opens he asks me how I am doing, I say well (for the circumstances). He is surprised. He notes that I look better – I am not as pale or worn. I told him I thought I had come to a decision – and that act rolled a burden off my shoulders (unfortunately, and somewhat as I expected, within a few hours I would be uncertain again).

8/16 – 12:15 pm Report

On the way back from the psychologists I stopped in at the pharmacy, St. Mary’s thrift, and Sunday Breakfast Rescue Mission’s thrift. I haven’t bought a lot of books in a long time – but I bought a decent number today – 28 I think.

I went home and organized for a shopping trip later in the day and then was exhausted so I utilized the CES and took a nap.

8/16 – 4:15 pm Report

I’ve been reading a lot of the Bible recently…I mean, a lot more than usual. I’ve read through Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy in the fairly recent past – Luke, Ecclesiastes, Job, Lamentations, and so on as well.

I intersperse my readings with Feedly (my RSS reader) – especially when working through genealogies and temple dimensions.

Then it is off to McDonalds where I have a free medium fry. I’ve downsized from a large fry to a medium fry…and I also always get a M&M McFlurry. What else? That is it.

I mean to go to Lowes, Redners, and maybe Target – but decide to start with Target and am able to get everything I need – groceries and an HVAC filter.

8/16 – 11:59 pm Report

After getting home I feel worn out again. I watch a TV episode, then read more Scriptures, RSS articles. I’m still exhausted and take a nap at 6:30 pm (always a bad idea). Back up to read more of the Scriptures and clean up my web bookmarks (which are always multiplying in number…like my books).

As the day has progressed I’ve become more and more depressed. My certainty has left me and I am like a ship blown about by the wind. I spend 1.5 hours reading about my current dilemma and then try to go to sleep around 11:15. I’m pretty sure I used the CES before I went to bed.

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