I did not use the CES on the 27th – so the 28th was my first full day without its utilization. I attempted to go to bed around midnight but tossed and turned until 1 am. I was up by 7.
I took fluoxetine at my regular dosage (60 mg) and buproprion at the the regular dosage as well (150 mg). I maintained decent productivity in the morning, the meeting I was concerned about ended up going off without a hitch – that was a real blessing.
I spent a few hours working for an IT consulting client, made some good progress there – but this was in the afternoon and I could feel a semi-urgent desire to “escape” from people. The Adderall seemed to help me with extended social interactions and I’m positing that not taking this may have been the cause for this escape-need.
As the late afternoon set on (3-4 pm) I began to feel depressive thoughts invading. I took my second buproprion. I was given “SR” not “XR” – meaning these are standard release medications and they won’t last an entire day, so I figured maybe the buproprion was wearing off and that was why the depressive thoughts were invading.
I took a nap and when I awoke I felt much better. But it went back and forth – sometimes I felt okay, sometimes I felt hopeless. I watched some TV. I tried to go to bed around 11:30 pm without success, so I took a bath and then it was midnight. I took some clonazepam and within fifteen minutes was drowsing off.
Still reading a lot of Scripture – I’m almost done with 2 Chronicles. Overall, it was a decent day. It wasn’t a good day – there were too many places where I felt depressed, hopeless, or isolated – but none of these feelings entered into the depth that they have in the past.
When I think about where I was two months ago and where I am today, it is evident I’ve progressed significantly. That said, at this point I’d say the primary “healing” catalyst has been time rather than any treatment or circumstances within my life.
I’m reading a book on the topic which notes that healing won’t just occur with the passage of time, so I’m trying to take the time and make the effort to process my struggles so hopefully I can out more whole on the other side – not just with the separation of time burying the pain to be dug up again in the future under the right (errr…wrong) circumstances.