Days 16 / 17 – Fluoxetine & Wellbutrin.

Friday (9/13) was a decent day. I had counseling and this new counselor is very good, but also exhausting. Afterwards I was so emotionally exhausted I took a 2.5 hr. nap. I didn’t sleep well Thursday into Friday and I wouldn’t sleep well again Friday into Saturday. But my mood has been fairly stable – though it experienced a bit of a downward spiral starting Tuesday evening and continuing through Thursday night – but this was situational and while Thursday night I was upset with myself for getting upset, I still didn’t spiral downwards nearly as deep as I have in the past.

Saturday (9/14) I spent a lot of time doing sermon preparation, but didn’t suffer from the cognitive issues I oftentimes do (my brain “overheats” and spirals me into depression when I think too intensely for too long). I’ve been able to read difficult passages of Scripture without getting stuck on them and ruminating (my scrupulosity acting up). I suspect the mood stability and the lack of rumination are both results of the wellbutrin.

My body aches a lot. This is annoying. It means I have to lay down with my legs elevated – and I’d rather be walking or standing. I’ve been taking baths and this seems to help a bit – as does elevating my legs.

It is also weird being alone – I haven’t been for years. Most of the time I’m fine with it, but occasionally I get lonely – and that is something I’m even more unfamiliar with. I’ve never really been alone. I grew up in a two bedroom house with six siblings – there was always someone nearby. I went to college and lived with my peers and once I was married, I had a wife to keep me company.

But I’ve been doing a good job (imho) of being more social and reaching out and interacting with others. Saturday night I went with Kevin, Paul, and Kyle to the movies – and while the movie was a bust, I enjoyed hanging out with them.

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