Tuesday I drove Jonah and Leslie to the Trenton train station so they could ride the train into NYC. Shortly thereafter I received a call from Jon Hui – who has always been much more faithful in contacting me and maintaining our friendship than I have been in response. I appreciate knowing someone so geographically distant still cares to call on occasion and in spite of my hermit-like lack of proactivity.
I had a lot of office work to do – so I plowed away at that, then took a break for dinner with John Broglin at Panera Bread.
The day was fairly productive – though I struggled from late morning into the afternoon with feeling slightly depressed and discouraged. This has been a repeating them for the last number of days and I expect it to be for the next number of days as well. But it isn’t that bad, just not as good as it has been. What is the cause? I don’t think there is one cause, but there are several converging challenges and circumstances which have arrived somewhat simultaneously that are weighing upon me.
None are ones to which I can provide a resolution – I must simply bear through them. So I seek to trust God, to remember hope, and to keep doing even when I don’t feel like it. I know I’ll come out on the other side soon.
Interestingly, the feelings dissipated in the late afternoon and remained dissipated throughout the evening. I ponder if this could be related to the Wellbutrin – namely that the 100 mg I take in the morning is insufficient, but then when boosted by the 100 mg I take around noon, it lifts my mood and it remains elevated throughout the rest of the day.
The psychiatrist who replaced my last psychiatrist just left the practice as well! So, now I definitely need a new psychiatrist. I have a few leads and hope to have one nailed down soon. I have the feeling that a little tweaking with the Wellbutrin dosages may help these fairly minor life events be less painful (or, more appropriately painful). I’d also like to try reducing my Fluoxetine dosage from 60 mg to 40 mg. I think the Wellbutrin will handle the depression sufficiently, but I’m not sure if the OCD symptoms will be significant with the reduction in Fluoxetine. I don’t take Fluoxetine for the depression primarily, but for the OCD. If I was taking it for depression I’d probably be taking 20 mg instead of 60 mg…but in general, OCD requires much higher dosages of medications before it responds to treatment.
A breakfast meeting with Brice followed by dropping my car off at Thompson Auto in Penndel for an oil change and general checkup. I walked back to the church and met with John Sherk. In the evening I set out from my house again to Thompson Auto to pick up my car. My left leg was killing me. I can’t figure out what is wrong with it but it has been this way for years. Strangest thing is that walking causes the pain but not writing. The pain seems to be on the front as well as sides (not back) of my left calf. It feels a bit like someone made my muscles an inch too short and they are screaming b/c every time I take a step they are being pulled on by my knee and ankle. Ohh well.
Dinner with the Millers – which was delicious (and the company was great as well). Then over to Renewal were we finished out studying Amos. Next week we’ll start on Hosea.
I’ve still been reading a lot of C.G. Jung’s autobiography. He impresses me as both a genius and crazy. Some of what he says seems so true, some of what he says seems so arbitrary and far-fetched. Still, both aspects of him are fairly fascinating, so I continue reading.
Again, I experience the same symptoms as yesterday – in the morning I am somewhat flat regard affect (not good, not bad) but this declines to troubled by late morning / early afternoon but then lifts towards late afternoon and remains optimistic throughout the evening.
I’ve been taking my medications as prescribed. I’m still taking a multivitamin and I’m also taking the magnesium supplement before sleep. Doesn’t seem to be any negative side effects – though I’m also unsure about any positive effects.