It has been quite a while since I last logged. Anyone want to guess why? I’ll give you a hint, it is related to why I usually “fall off” the face of the earth.
I spend half the day doing IT consulting. I spend part of the day working for the church. I spend the rest of the day recuperating. I’m not doing poorly, but I’m not doing well. The rhythm of my life has been “off” and I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
I’ll go to bed at 9:30 pm and sleep through the night. This is after I started magnesium supplements before bed.
Friday is an extremely busy day. I have five meetings and manage to squeeze in some significant time working on office tasks and preparing for upcoming Renewal studies. I go to bed at 11:15 pm, but I won’t sleep through the night.
I’m doing okay today, but I had two meetings which were pretty rough. They went well – but they still drained me emotionally. I miss taking my afternoon Wellbutrin.
Saturday is another busy day. I take Augusto for his driving test, meet my family back at my house, and immediately run off to a Nomads event helping out at a local food pantry. I enjoy working at the pantry.
Afterwards I crash for a nap for an hour and then it is time to go to homecoming. I get to play paintball with Paul and Anne and I really enjoy that! I love seeing my family – even though it adds to the craziness of my schedule. 🙂 Sometime in the near future I want to start taking time off when family comes to visit…I haven’t been able to / haven’t thus far, but I’d like to do so in the future.
The rest of the day/evening is primarily spent in sermon preparation. I go to bed at 11:30 pm and sleep through the night.
Sunday is church and afterwards lunch with the family. They have to leave around 2-3 pm and I am sad to see them leave. I am somewhat energetic in the afternoon and do church office work and church maintenance work. I’m proud of myself for replacing the lampholders in the downstairs fluorescent lamp – it feels like an accomplishment.
I’m not feeling depressed particularly, but I am feeling thing. It has been a hectic few weeks and I’ve missed taking my secondary dose of Wellbutrin on several days. I go to bed at 11 pm.
Monday is a generally busy and productive day. In the early evening I have a difficult conversation. It drives me down into the dumps. I go to Nomads and things go well, I’m picked up a bit.
I’m up until 1 am on Tuesday.
Breakfast with Bill Doolittle. It was an encouraging and intellectually interesting meeting. Then lunch with Kyle – which goes well also. My legs are killing me. I’ll take a bath. I don’t take my afternoon Wellbutrin. Lot of office work. Another difficult conversation and I’m struggling. Executive Board meeting. Then back home. I’m wound up and try to settle down. Watch a movie. Read. I’ll go to bed at 1:15 am.
I can’t tell whether I become unstable when I have difficulty and that causes me to stop taking my Wellbutrin as consistently or whether I stop taking my Wellbutrin and it causes difficulty. Probably the two playing together.
I’m trying to hold things together. Externally I am doing okay – I’m getting done what I need to get done, I’m being productive. But internally I feel like a ship in the midst of a choppy sea – I’m thrust back and forth within the belly of the ship and I am so tired.