tired. exhausted. fatigued. weary. threadbare. spent. flagging. drained. worn. dog-tired. tuckered out. beat. empty. finished. haggard. pooped. bleary. tapped out. sapped. depleted. bled.

church was good.

meeting was good.

seeing ender’s game was good [i was quite impressed by it].

visiting mike and sande was good.

but then there is that sinking feeling. alone.

why does it bother me so much now and so deeply?

i usually like to be alone.

i look up and see on my shelf “in Christ alone” by Sinclair B. Ferguson. i haven’t read it yet.

i look backwards and i see pain and struggle. i look forwards and i see the same.

i try to remind myself that it is not all pain – to focus more on the good. it was a good day – the pain was only for a few hours.

the pain speaks louder than the good…so i have to fight to make the good loud.

i remember Christ’s instructions. enough troubles in today. don’t think about tomorrow. stay present.

i feel pained. not angry, but sorrowed.

i don’t like people to be disappointed in me…but i am standing firm in it – though it rips me to pieces.

i don’t want this. can i wake up and it all be a bad dream?