tired. exhausted. fatigued. weary. threadbare. spent. flagging. drained. worn. dog-tired. tuckered out. beat. empty. finished. haggard. pooped. bleary. tapped out. sapped. depleted. bled.
church was good.
meeting was good.
seeing ender’s game was good [i was quite impressed by it].
visiting mike and sande was good.
but then there is that sinking feeling. alone.
why does it bother me so much now and so deeply?
i usually like to be alone.
i look up and see on my shelf “in Christ alone” by Sinclair B. Ferguson. i haven’t read it yet.
i look backwards and i see pain and struggle. i look forwards and i see the same.
i try to remind myself that it is not all pain – to focus more on the good. it was a good day – the pain was only for a few hours.
the pain speaks louder than the good…so i have to fight to make the good loud.
i remember Christ’s instructions. enough troubles in today. don’t think about tomorrow. stay present.
i feel pained. not angry, but sorrowed.
i don’t like people to be disappointed in me…but i am standing firm in it – though it rips me to pieces.
i don’t want this. can i wake up and it all be a bad dream?