So That Is What a Heart Attack Feels Like… (Three Years Later)

A few years ago Sheila and I thought we would be traveling the US in an RV for a year (or two or three). When I had a major health crisis this dream had to be put aside and we have walked a different path these past few years. We… Continue reading

When Islands of Meaning Sink Beneath Us

Quote from Douglas Groothuis: "I know there is a larger meaning behind it all, but I cannot parse it out day by darkening day."

I subscribe to Christianity Today and in their most recent issue (Nov. 2015, Vol. 59, Num. 9) they have an article by Douglas Groothuis, a well-known professor and author of theology and philosophy with the title “When Islands of Meaning Sink Beneath Us.” (pp. 50-55) The title alone lifted my… Continue reading

The Hidden Price of Greatness

I recently finished a small volume entitled The Hidden Price of Greatness by Ray Beeson and Ranelda Mack Hunsicker. It is subtitled, “Encouragement from the lives of well-known Christians whose suffering produced spiritual growth.” The book, including bibliography clocks in at 169 pp. I’ll be honest, I didn’t read the volume… Continue reading

When My Heart Aches…A Prayer.

This is from an old book I stumbled upon that contains several hundred prayers by Floyd W. Tomkins – an individual whom I know nothing about, other than that his heart for God shines through in every prayer. This is not his entire prayer (though his prayers are short –… Continue reading

I Cry Out

1 “Isn’t a man forced to labor on earth? Aren’t his days like the days of a hired hand? 2 As a servant who earnestly desires the shadow, as a hireling who looks for his wages, 3 so am I made to possess months of misery,                 wearisome nights are… Continue reading

This is what happens when I don’t blog for a few days…

My depression and obsessive compulsive symptoms have been declining for a few weeks now. Unfortunately, I cannot choose which of a number (or some combination) of factors is causing this decline. It is not that I don’t feel depressed anymore or don’t have intrusive, anxious thoughts – but they are… Continue reading


Eight. Eight more. Tomorrow is one. Maybe then there will be light. Eight. Eight more of darkness. 3rd. 5th. 10th. Oh. God. Don’t think about the future. Don’t think about tomorrow. Don’t think about today. Each minute. Each minute. Each minute. The Future = +Pain. Can’t FEEL that pain NOW.… Continue reading

Days 53-55 – Wellbutrin & Fluoxetine.

Saturday (10/19) I can’t fall asleep. Finally I drift off around 5 am. I sleep until 9:30 am and then the day begins. I enjoy celebrating Paul and Kiki’s birthday. I spend most of the day flipping back and forth between different tasks – reading, cleaning, sermon preparation, paperwork. My… Continue reading

Days 50-52 – Wellbutrin & Fluoxetine.

Introduction I put an artificial limit on myself. I want to make a decision before the 27th. This has essentially been the plan from the beginning – but with each week passing by my anxiety and dis-ease has increased. In the last few days it has wracked me up and… Continue reading

Day 44 – Fluoxetine & Wellbutrin.

Yesterday (Thursday, 10/10) was a crazy day. I couldn’t sleep and was awake until 2:45 am. I slept until 6:45 am when a consulting client contacted me having issues with their network. It wasn’t a quick fix and I spent the next 7.5 hrs. working for the client. Another difficult… Continue reading