Day 37 – Fisher Wallace CES Report

8/16 – 2:30 am Report

I awake around 12:30 and am unable to return to sleep until 2:30 am.

8/16 – 10:15 am Report

I’m up again at 8:15. I have an appointment with my psychologist at 9. It is good to see him – though usually I do most of the talking and at the end of fifty minutes it still feels like I haven’t been able to share everything that is going on – internally and externally.

In one sense, we aren’t making much progress. I’m someone who is drowning and he encourages me to keep on swimming. He doesn’t tire of the fact that I am swimming in the same lake over and over again each week – that the topics are oftentimes repetitive – an analysis from a different angle, and a different angle, and a different angle.

When the session opens he asks me how I am doing, I say well (for the circumstances). He is surprised. He notes that I look better – I am not as pale or worn. I told him I thought I had come to a decision – and that act rolled a burden off my shoulders (unfortunately, and somewhat as I expected, within a few hours I would be uncertain again).

8/16 – 12:15 pm Report

On the way back from the psychologists I stopped in at the pharmacy, St. Mary’s thrift, and Sunday Breakfast Rescue Mission’s thrift. I haven’t bought a lot of books in a long time – but I bought a decent number today – 28 I think.

I went home and organized for a shopping trip later in the day and then was exhausted so I utilized the CES and took a nap.

8/16 – 4:15 pm Report

I’ve been reading a lot of the Bible recently…I mean, a lot more than usual. I’ve read through Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy in the fairly recent past – Luke, Ecclesiastes, Job, Lamentations, and so on as well.

I intersperse my readings with Feedly (my RSS reader) – especially when working through genealogies and temple dimensions.

Then it is off to McDonalds where I have a free medium fry. I’ve downsized from a large fry to a medium fry…and I also always get a M&M McFlurry. What else? That is it.

I mean to go to Lowes, Redners, and maybe Target – but decide to start with Target and am able to get everything I need – groceries and an HVAC filter.

8/16 – 11:59 pm Report

After getting home I feel worn out again. I watch a TV episode, then read more Scriptures, RSS articles. I’m still exhausted and take a nap at 6:30 pm (always a bad idea). Back up to read more of the Scriptures and clean up my web bookmarks (which are always multiplying in number…like my books).

As the day has progressed I’ve become more and more depressed. My certainty has left me and I am like a ship blown about by the wind. I spend 1.5 hours reading about my current dilemma and then try to go to sleep around 11:15. I’m pretty sure I used the CES before I went to bed.

Day 36 (8/15) – Fisher Wallace CES Stimulator Report.

I took the day off. I was doing okay emotionally – but I felt any additional burden would probably drop me into the pits. I used the CES in the morning, by 10:45 am I was tired and took a nap (1 hr.), I’d take two more naps (2:30 pm… Continue reading

Day 35 – Fisher Wallace CES Stimulator Report

8/14 – 9 AM Report I’m still stable, I have an appointment at 9:30 and don’t get a chance to use the CES amongst other busyness. 8/14 – 11:30 AM Report The appointment throws me for a loop. I feel exhausted and unstable. It relates to my ongoing crisis –… Continue reading

Day 34 – Fisher Wallace CES Stimulator Report.

8/13 – 12:00 PM Report I slept solidly through the night. In the morning I started off well – performing those mundane activities (eating, brushing teeth, etc.) that I don’t enjoy but are necessary to life…I also shaved – which isn’t a big deal for most people, but it is… Continue reading

Days 30, 31, 32 – Fisher Wallace CES Stimulator Report.

8/9 Report Friday was a productive catchup day after being away since the 2nd. I saw my psychologist, picked up refills of my medications, used the CES in the early afternoon, paid the bills, made deposits, checked emails, and so on. I also squeezed in some time to relax –… Continue reading

Days 21, 22, 23 – Fisher Wallace CES Stimulator

7/31 – 7:00 AM Report [Also included in previous post as Postscript] I am waking from a night of disturbing and strange dreams. I am concerned. Have I slept in late? Is it 10 am? But my body feels heavy and I roll over, fitfully sleeping for a few minutes… Continue reading

Days 19 / 20 – Fisher Wallace CES Stimulator

7/29 – 11:30 PM Report Monday. It was neither a good or bad day. Three meetings outside of Nomads.  Significant amounts of reading. Nap and relaxing. Then to leader’s meeting and then to Nomads. We played Team Keep Away – which was a lot of fun, but extremely exhausting. At… Continue reading

Day 18 – Fisher Wallace CES Stimulator

Sitting in the dark shaking in a cold wind dying to get well, keep trying but I’m broken A kiss on my lips that used to thrill me, if I go another day it’s gonna kill me Slipped into a dream woke up in a nightmare scars on my skin,… Continue reading

Day 15 – Fisher Wallace CES Stimulator

7/25 – 9:00 AM Report Not doing well. Utilize CES and take medications, but I’m pretty much useless. 7/25 – 11:00 PM Report A day right out of hell. I read a decent bit, had a few conversations – but otherwise I was a blob. Used CES before going to… Continue reading

Day 14 – Fisher Wallace CES Stimulator

7/24 – 8:00 AM Report I’m taking someone to a specialist today. Not just providing transportation but also acting as a second set of ears to ensure the necessary questions are answered and things move forward in the right direction. I take my medications and jump in the car. So… Continue reading