When the Zombies Keep Coming.

Sleep settled on me before I wanted it to – 11:30 pm. Then released me from its grasp before I desired – 2 am. It refuses to return for several hours, begrudgingly settling over me at 6 am. Having insomnia is frustrating, having it with zombies only amplifies this frustration.… Continue reading

Five Weeks of Light Therapy

Introduction I’ve been blogging over the last number of weeks about my experiences with light therapy. I now have six full weeks of data – one week demonstrating what was a typical pre-light therapy nap pattern and the other five post-light therapy nap pattern. The aggregate data seems to indicate… Continue reading

Day 37 – Fisher Wallace CES Report

8/16 – 2:30 am Report

I awake around 12:30 and am unable to return to sleep until 2:30 am.

8/16 – 10:15 am Report

I’m up again at 8:15. I have an appointment with my psychologist at 9. It is good to see him – though usually I do most of the talking and at the end of fifty minutes it still feels like I haven’t been able to share everything that is going on – internally and externally.

In one sense, we aren’t making much progress. I’m someone who is drowning and he encourages me to keep on swimming. He doesn’t tire of the fact that I am swimming in the same lake over and over again each week – that the topics are oftentimes repetitive – an analysis from a different angle, and a different angle, and a different angle.

When the session opens he asks me how I am doing, I say well (for the circumstances). He is surprised. He notes that I look better – I am not as pale or worn. I told him I thought I had come to a decision – and that act rolled a burden off my shoulders (unfortunately, and somewhat as I expected, within a few hours I would be uncertain again).

8/16 – 12:15 pm Report

On the way back from the psychologists I stopped in at the pharmacy, St. Mary’s thrift, and Sunday Breakfast Rescue Mission’s thrift. I haven’t bought a lot of books in a long time – but I bought a decent number today – 28 I think.

I went home and organized for a shopping trip later in the day and then was exhausted so I utilized the CES and took a nap.

8/16 – 4:15 pm Report

I’ve been reading a lot of the Bible recently…I mean, a lot more than usual. I’ve read through Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy in the fairly recent past – Luke, Ecclesiastes, Job, Lamentations, and so on as well.

I intersperse my readings with Feedly (my RSS reader) – especially when working through genealogies and temple dimensions.

Then it is off to McDonalds where I have a free medium fry. I’ve downsized from a large fry to a medium fry…and I also always get a M&M McFlurry. What else? That is it.

I mean to go to Lowes, Redners, and maybe Target – but decide to start with Target and am able to get everything I need – groceries and an HVAC filter.

8/16 – 11:59 pm Report

After getting home I feel worn out again. I watch a TV episode, then read more Scriptures, RSS articles. I’m still exhausted and take a nap at 6:30 pm (always a bad idea). Back up to read more of the Scriptures and clean up my web bookmarks (which are always multiplying in number…like my books).

As the day has progressed I’ve become more and more depressed. My certainty has left me and I am like a ship blown about by the wind. I spend 1.5 hours reading about my current dilemma and then try to go to sleep around 11:15. I’m pretty sure I used the CES before I went to bed.

Day 35 – Fisher Wallace CES Stimulator Report

8/14 – 9 AM Report I’m still stable, I have an appointment at 9:30 and don’t get a chance to use the CES amongst other busyness. 8/14 – 11:30 AM Report The appointment throws me for a loop. I feel exhausted and unstable. It relates to my ongoing crisis –… Continue reading

Day 33 – Fisher Wallace Stimulator Report.

8/12 – 2:15 AM Report I didn’t want to stop working on migrating the CCC website from Bluehost to DigitalOcean halfway, so I stayed up and completed the work around 1:15 am. I then used the CES and attempted to fall asleep – I’d finally enter dreamland around 2:15 am.… Continue reading

Day 7 – Fisher Wallace CES Stimulator

7/17 – 9 AM Report As I reported in my last post, I awoke at 8 am in a fairly stable state, had not used clonazepam the night before , but had slept successfully. I utilized the device at Level 4 around 9 AM. 7/17 – 3 PM Report I… Continue reading

Day 4 – Fisher Wallace CES Journal

7/14 – 2 PM Report Still devastated, I do not expect the CES to relieve this suffering, but I’ll keep using it. Maybe it will help somehow – even if it is just that eventually, when this situational pain diminishes it will be effective and diminishing the underlying, continual pain.… Continue reading

Day 2 – Fisher Wallace CES Journal.

This is my second full day utilizing CES, I’m continuing my endeavor to keep a detail record of my experiences – especially regarding mood and side effects. 7/12 – 9:30 am Report I had breakfast with my brother, Paul, and so didn’t begin using the CES device until around 9:30… Continue reading

Day 1 – Fisher Wallace CES Journal.

I received my Fisher Wallace Cranial Electrotherapy Stimulator yesterday afternoon in the mail. I utilized it in the evening and now today (Thursday, July 11th) is my first full day utilizing the stimulator. I’m going to try and keep detailed records of my experiences, especially regarding my mood and any… Continue reading

Holding It Together

I’m trying to hold it together… I’m used to episodes that are triggered by situations.1By this I mean there is a biochemical, physiological aspect to my illness, but there is also a contextual aspect, in which certain occurrences (life stressors) can overload me and throw the entire biochemical, physiological balance… Continue reading